How Unicorns Became Extinct (Or, Why First Dates Are So Important)

When Hugh Geoaf received the Facebook invite from Noah to come visit his new crib, Hugh instantly concluded that this would be the ideal first date. He heard that the ark was new, spacious, and even located on the water. Missa Fortune, the mare that he would give anything to share a pile of hay with, enjoyed parties and was pretty close with Noah and his family. Besides, what could be more romantic than preserving the unicorn race together?
   So, mustering up his courage, Hugh asked Missa to attend a party at Noah's place with him. Now, Missa had pretty high standards. She wasn't about to run wild (excuse the pun) with just any young unicorn, but she figured that Hugh was a decent guy and maybe needed a mercy date every once in a while. So she accepted.
Several things went wrong. The first of these was that Hugh didn't explain to Missa the details of the date, which turned out to be extremely important. He never specified how long the event would be. There's nothing wrong with spending a lot of time together, but over eighty days and nights is a little extensive for a first date.
   Secondly, there was the whole matter of every other unicorn-which included most of her family and friends-drowning in the flood. She probably would have wanted to know that. When she learned that all of her friends were dead, she cried hysterically for over three weeks. Hugh was surprised at this. He actually was not very choked up about the other unicorns, because he had never met another unicorn who watched anime shows or read Choose Your Own Adventure books, which was an essential for any friendship. So he reasoned that he and Missa could begin the next race of unicorns with better taste in literature and television.
   The final and worst thing that went wrong was that Hugh could not accept the Friend Zone. It was a miracle that Missa remained even friends with him after that horrid first date, but he couldn't even accept that. Day after day he would assault her with the world's cheesiest pick up lines-"Hey girl, I think I want to MARE-y you," "NEIGH-ver say never"-and several more antidotes that made her die inside.
   Unfortunately, this is when the story went from pathetic to utterly miserable. Missa was so annoyed with Hugh that she made it a habit of banging her head against the wall. One day-
CRACK!
   Her horn broke off. As a declaration of his love for her, Hugh broke his off as well. However Missa only disliked him all the more without his beautiful purple horn.
They did end up being together, but only after many frustrations and several years of MARE-age counseling (sorry, last one I promise), and now horses do not have horns.

Moral of the story?
Slow down. Even if it feels like the end of the world.