Life Outside the Boxes

 Slam!

Self trudges through the door into her walk-in closet. Subconscious looks up from her stooped over position next to the shelves. She had dropped something from one of the boxes and it had rolled away into some unreachable cranny. Oh, well.

"How was last night, Self?" Subconscious asks, scrutinizing Self's scowling expression and bedraggled clothes.

Self grunts.

She hands Subconscious a vibrantly colored box labeled SATURDAY NIGHT SASS. 

"You're done with this for now?" Subconscious asks with a raised eyebrow.

Another grunt.

Subconscious obediently puts the brightly colored box on one of the shelves.

"Hey, will you pass me that purple box?" Self asks drowsily, rubbing her eyes.

"This one?" Subconscious says as she pulls down a pastel box labeled SUNDAY BEST.

"Yeah."

Subconscious pauses before handing Self the box.

"What is it?" Self mutters impatiently.

"I don't know. Don't you just feel a little....hypocritical about this?"

Blank stare.

Subconscious shifts uneasily. 

"I mean, you've been acting crabby and being salty with people all weekend and now you're just gonna walk into church like everything's cool? It just seems..."

"Well what do you suggest I do?" Self yells angrily. "Just throw God completely out of my life? No way!"

"Well then why don't you go all in and finally get rid of the crap?" Subconscious demands.

Now it's Self's turn to shift uneasily. 

"Well.....I...I...."

"I see," says Subconscious, her face as hard as flint.

Another weekend.

If you're anything like me, you fight with your subconscious. 

You rationalize and compromise and compartmentalize. 

See, I have this major error in my thinking. I picture myself as two different people. The perfect girl who only listens to Christian music, never gets upset, and always keeps a tight rein on her tongue (she doesn't exist) and the edgy girl who listens to whatever she wants, believes whatever she wants, and compromises as much as possible (she also doesn't exist-not because I don't compromise, but because I'm not edgy). 

The reality is I'm stuck in the middle between two people that I want to be. 

And neither of them are who God wants me to be.

I have a tendency to put my life into boxes. I think control is a basic human desire, so we try to organize ourselves as a result. We put our "party" selves in one box and our "spiritual" selves in another. 

I've been praying recently that God would make me someone "after His own heart," just like David was. I thought that maybe by doing this my "spiritual box" would grow bigger. However, I've found that God hasn't been making my box bigger.

He's been telling me to burn the box.

Burn all the boxes.

Life wasn't meant to be lived inside boxes. Our souls aren't supposed to be divided. Jesus talks about this in Matthew 6:24.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other."

We weren't created to pursue two things at once. Our entire beings were made solely for God. But He doesn't expect us to be perfect. 

Self and Subconscious are both wrong. God doesn't expect us to be perfect, just honest. He doesn't want you to have a bigger "spiritual" box. He wants all of you. He's not content with just your "Sunday best"; he wants your "Monday worst," your Saturday nights and everything in between.

Side Note: I really like the above picture. 

Jesus' arms are wide open to the city of Rio de Janeiro below him, 

and I think that this portrays the character of God accurately. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10 

Life was meant to be lived outside of boxes.