Cold Clarity

You wake up one bright summer day (around noon of course) and decide to head to the beach. The sun glares down on you and cooks you like a slab of beef. Sweat soaks into your clothes and trickles down your forehead. You run to the water and submerge underneath the waves and...
Ahh.
The coldness brings feeling back into your burnt skin. The sweat and grime are washed away, and just like that you feel clean and brand new again.

Side note: If you have ever been to any of the beaches near Saginaw (namely Sanford and Bay City) your experience was probably nothing like this. You most likely reluctantly stepped into the murky greenish brown water and left smelling like a wet dog. But I digress.

The water encompasses you. It's so clear you can see the sandy floor beneath. Your sore muscles relax. When you finally come back to the surface the sun doesn't seem so vicious anymore.
There are some Bible verses that make me feel like this. When I feel caked in my sin nature and my bad attitude is sticking to me like mud, God's word gently washes it all away. Sometimes they're convicting, but, like diving into cold water, it brings me clarity. Here is such a verse:

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is the body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.
-Ephesians 1:15-23

I want to know the why behind things (my parents can testify). One of the things I love about this verse is that Paul, after praying that the church would have hope, gives reasons why we have the hope that we have. He prays that the people would learn to know God better, but then also prophesies about God's character so they would. He prays that the people would hope and believe in God's power, then explains why we can believe in God's power. 
We can hope in God because the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is at work in us. The same power that made Jesus king at his coronation in the heavenly realms is the same power that has called us to follow him. That power is incomparable.
As a pastor's kid, I practically live at the church. Sometimes, I get burnt out. But Jesus is the head of the church, and the fullness of him is manifested in it. Reading verses about Christ's power give me hope. His church is immensely valuable to him, and he won't abandon us.
The power and glory of Jesus Christ is filling his church with hope.
And that's way more refreshing than any trip to the beach.

On The Water

"That's like nailing jello to a wall."
I've heard that phrase several times in the past couple days, which was really strange because I had never heard it before. It's a funny image for sure. I was seriously considering trying to do it, but maybe another day. Instead, I thought it might be a funny name for a blog. 
Nailing jello to a wall.
If you haven't heard that phrase, it means "that's really hard to do." We as humans have a unique relationship with doing hard things. We cringe at thinking about doing something taxing or strenuous. 
Exercise. 
Homework.
Social interaction.
Did any of these make you shudder?
But I believe that we all have an innate desire to do hard things. We want adventure, hardship, something that rips us out of our comfort zone and leads us into something brand new. 
My devotions this morning lead me to this story in Matthew:

During the fourth watch of the night, Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
-Matthew 14:25-29

First of all, I would just like to note that if it had been a ghost or some sort of evil spirit, Peter was not very smart by asking it to call him out onto the water. What if the "ghost" told him to step out into the lake and then watched him drown? I'm just spitballing here.
It wasn't a ghost though. It was Jesus, Peter's friend, teacher and Lord. If there was anybody Peter could trust, it would be Jesus. 
But notice that Peter asks Jesus to call him out on the water, not the other way around. Jesus doesn't ask to test Peter's faith. The disciple does it willingly. It's as if Peter wants to be in mortal danger. He understands that the only thing keeping him above the waves is Jesus. Peter wants to go anyway. He desires to do hard things.
In the same way, we all desire to do something that appears difficult. Whether it's joining the military, learning to play an instrument, or nailing jello to a wall. I would like to encourage you to go after those things, and don't be afraid. The winds will be strong and the rain will sting and the thunder will shake you at your core. Just remember that the one who made the storms will be there to catch you if you fall. 
So do hard things. 
Go nail that jello.

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Why Girls Like Morons

We all have that one friend. She’s with that one guy.
He’s so obnoxious.
He’s so full of himself.
Seriously?
However, many a girl has crushed on one moron or another in her lifetime. When I say “moron” I’m not referring to a dumb guy, but a guy who seriously has his priorities out of whack. He’s the guy that doesn’t think before he talks, before he acts, or at all.
“You’re hot.”
Wow. That took a lot of brain cells. Or maybe even this:
“You want to go out with me?”
Go out where? Outside? On the swings, the soccer field, what? If he doesn’t even care to specify where he wants to take you, he’s a moron.
So here’s the question: why do girls find morons attractive?
I am doing the best that I can with my brief life experience of sixteen years to analyze this.

Attention.

Let’s face it: some boys are really good at giving attention. But is it always good attention? He doesn’t respect you. He talks about you to his friends like you’re a trophy on his mantle. That’s not the kind of attention you want.
The sad thing is that some girls don’t care. She might be so desperate that the degrading why her guy treats her doesn’t matter.

Comfort.

Shallowness, complacency, negativity-they’re comfortable. For example, you’ve had an argument (maybe even a cat fight) with another girl. The first thing you do is call your guy up and rant. Here’s what a moron would do: trash the girl that fought with you, agree that you were just a victim, and “make you feel better.”
Your anger would be appeased, your comfort zone restored.
Here’s what a good guy would do: remind you that you’re not a victim, you’re a victor over your circumstances and can respond with kindness, and make you feel convicted. Not very comfortable, huh?

Fear.

She’s afraid that nobody but a moron would ever like her.
Ouch.
That’s some serious damage there. Fear and doubt fuses together and worms its way into a relationship. When we view ourselves negatively, everyone else is tinted darkly as well.
Sometimes I want to grab a girl by the shoulders, shake her really hard, and say, “You are way more than who you think you are!”
I don’t think violently shaking someone would solve the problem though.
Anyway, insecurity is the root of why she’s afraid of good guys. She’s afraid that when a good guy finds out that she’s not perfect, he drops her like a bad habit. But nobody’s perfect. Just because he’s respectful and kind doesn’t mean he’s flawless. He probably still tells lame jokes and eats his boogers and stuff like that.
The main reason why I think girls (and guys) are attracted to morons is because they don’t want a deep relationship. It’s not hard to stay away from a deep relationship with someone who’s shallow. But if it’s not a deep relationship, it’s not a relationship worth having.

Copyright Kaleigh Kuhns 2014. Kaleigh has never actually been in a relationship so she might have no idea what she’s talking about. She’s just going from what she knows as the official Shoulder-To-Cry-On at BrokenheartedGirls Inc.

How To Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Dear friend,
If you are reading this with your brain fully intact, then obviously you have done a wonderful job surviving the zombie apocalypse. My brain is being held inside my skull by a couple layers of duct tape (yes, it is very painful; thank you for asking).
As you know, the apocalypse began in California but moved rapidly eastward. I think this is because not many people in California have brains, so the zombies starved until they managed to move elsewhere.
Luckily, I had been preparing for this for years. I equipped myself with duct tape, pocket knives and matches. Because zombies are hopelessly subject to cuteness, I brought a couple pictures of my kitten, Queen Terd. Also, zombies passionately love to dance, so I brought my iPod. If you ever are being chased by zombies, simply play Michael Jackson’s Thriller-the fiends won’t stop dancing.
I was about to run out the door when I heard a moaning sound outside the house.
The zombies were close at hand. I saw the ugly creatures pawing at my backdoor, and I knew that more would be there in no time. I bolted out my front door and ran for my life.


Unfortunately, a zombie was already in my front yard. It clawed at my head, trying to get to my brain, but my pet llama, Howells, butted the zombie away. Hurt, I used duct tape to bandage my head and hopped on Howells’s back. I rode Howells all the way to Alaska, where zombies can’t go because of the cold. It was a long trip. Howells and I ate only raw pasta and twinkies for three weeks. These are the precautions you must take to survive a zombie apocalypse.
-A guy who has survived the zombie apocalypse (with very nice smelling hair)