I Know Why the Lonely Girl Writes

In loving memory of Maya Angelou, a fierce writer with a strong voice (1928-2014).

I put my own twist on one of my favorite Angelou poems, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings." Her words are vibrant and colorful, so take a moment to read the far superior original.  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is also her first of seven memoirs, and the first non-fiction bestseller to be written by an African American woman.
If you research her history at all, you will be impressed by her numerous accomplishments-a world renowned author, playwright, freelance journalist, dancer and actress.
If you dig even deeper you will find that she was a strong woman who stood tall even when all the odds were against her. Racial prejudice, abuse within her family, and the pressures of being a single mother are a few of the giants she faced. All of these attest to the bravado of this woman just as much as her titles.
Despite the cage, this free spirited bird's song still rings out today.

I Know Why the Lonely Girl Writes

The free girl laughs

at the days of the past

and dances away

where the wind may blow

she spreads her arms

in the orange sun rays 

and dares to claim the world

But a girl that sulks

in her bitter past

can seldom see through

her senseless ways

her dreams are crushed and

her love has died

so she opens her soul to write

the lonely girl writes

with fiery thrill

of the things unknown

but longed for still

and her voice is heard

in the distant world

for the lonely girl

writes of journeys

the free girl thinks of trivialities 
of coffee shops and blissful melodies

and the good friends waiting for her to meet them

and she names her life her own

But a lonely girl writes on the brink of dreams

her thoughts linger on things unseen

her dreams are crushed and her love has died

and so she opens her soul to write

the lonely girl writes

with awestruck thrill

of the dreams unknown

but reached for still

and her voice is heard

in the distant world

for the lonely girl

writes of freedom

17 Words My Mom Taught me the Definition of...

My birthday falls on Mother's Day this year. This has liberated me to kill two birds with one blog post (forgive the mixed metaphor). This post will commemorate a fantastic woman who I'm blessed enough to call Momma, and just a few of the things she's taught me during my seventeen years.

Side Note: Currently I am reading a book entitled Wishful Thinking: A Seeker's ABC by Frederick Buechner. I am captivated by it. Hence I will be quoting it frequently, but rather than spell everything out again I will merely say, "Fred states..." I've taken the liberty of calling him Fred as if we're best friends because I would really like to grab coffee with him sometime in heaven. Will there be coffee in heaven, do you think? Holy grounds and all that? Anywho, this was a long side note.

1) Sacrifice. Fred defines sacrifice as, "to make [something] holy by giving it away for love." If that's the case, my Momma has made muffin tops (the dessert, not the fat hanging over your jeans, just to clarify) holy. When I was a toddler I would only eat the tops of muffins. Now that I have grown up and matured considerably, I have learned to appreciate every aspect of muffins, but at the time I was woefully ignorant. So Mom would always give up the best part of the dessert for me. She wrote a poem for me that started with, "I love you more than muffin tops..." 
She's shown me over and over again what she loves me more than- bathroom time, spending money, any free time at all. I gave you Fred's definition of sacrifice. My definition is Mom.
2) Praise. "Mom, we love Jesus too, but we don't want to meet him just yet." This is one of my siblings' frequent phrases when we're riding in the car. My mom will hear a worship song she loves on the radio and immediately close her eyes and lift her hands in praise. This is touching, but usually we request that she keeps her eyes on the road for all practical purposes. 
My mom praises God with more than just music though. She has the unique ability to praise God by seeing how he works in practical situations. Whereas I'm more theoretical and tend to think about God's grace from a philosophical distance, she sees his hand in everyday life. We'll talk about everything from politics to society to relationships, and she usually concludes with, "I think God made this in a certain way because..." 
She's really cool that way.
3.) Spirit. One of my earliest memories is Mom doing her high school cheerleading routine (if you haven't seen it yet, you should ask her sometime). She chants "We've got spirit! It's all around! We've got spirit TO LIFT YOU OFF THE GROUND!" Fred describes spirit like this:
"Spirit is highly contagious. When people are very excited, very happy, very sad, you can catch it from them as easily as measles or a yawn. You can catch it from what they say or from what they do or just from what happens to the air of a room when they enter it without saying or doing anything."
My Mom brings a lively, vivacious spirit wherever she goes. Unless she's mad, like when a couch cushion was missing for so long that she came to the conclusion that someone had broken into our house and stolen it (she'll deny this now but she really thought that). Her spirit wasn't as vivacious during that time, and Dad decided that, "If Mom's not happy, nobody's happy," so we were interrogated day in and day out about who stole the couch cushion. 
Two weeks later Ben was lying on the ground and found it underneath the couch.
4.) Genuineness. My mom will never fake it. If she disagrees with you, she will tell you. You never have to worry about her thinking anything other than what she says. This is why her complements are so valuable. Despite Ben's theory that she has "Mom's Honor," or the obligation to tell her children that they are fantastic at whatever they do, she brings out all of our strengths in the best way possible. She complements my people skills, Maggie's disciplined brilliance, Abbey's giant, caring heart, and Ben's relentless energy. I'm not graceful or suave or detail oriented, but Mom sees my weaknesses and loves me anyway.
5.) Memories. My Mom has taught me the value of making memories. When she was in college her friends called her "The Walking Sit Com," because of all the crazy situations she would get herself into. In fact one friend told her, "I didn't believe the stories were true until I met you." She says that she has passed down this legacy to me. What this means is that both of us have a pretty high tolerance for embarrassment. I'm so glad that she tells me her stories. Now memories like the time I ripped off a mustache, wore cotton underwear instead of swim bottoms to a pool party, and accidentally asked a pregnant woman to dance with me don't seem as weird. 
6.) Prayer. "Lord, give me patience, give me kindness!" As a young mom with four kids under the age of eight, she constantly cried this. Fred says, "According to Jesus, by far the most important thing about praying is to keep at it...He says God is like a friend you go to borrow bread from at midnight." Mom taught me that there are no small prayers. One day we were driving home from Kalamazoo in a horrendous snow storm. I desperately needed to go potty, but there was no way we could stop any time soon. She held my hand and prayed that I could hold it. I did. 
7.) Patience. It takes about seventeen dirty diapers full of patience to be a Mom, I think. The reality is that raising kids isn't easy. Parents have issues and kids have issues and society has issues so really a family has to deal with issues cubed. Fortunately God created the family for a reason, and he calls us to overlook our differences and faults and love each other, "with patience, bearing with one another in love" (Eph. 4:2).
8.) Kindness. To know every Kroger cashier's name and life story is one of my Mom's goals. She loves reaching out to people and getting to know them. A couple weeks ago some Fundamental Baptist kids were passing out tracts in our neighborhood. Mom chased after them down the street asking them to come back immediately; she had popcorn and hot chocolate for them. 
9.) Empathy. One of the reasons that Mom can understand her kids so well is that she is very good at empathizing. I tend to over think and over react, and she has the innate ability to understand my twisted up feelings even before I do. She calls it a "Mom's sixth sense." Sometimes it scares me. 
10.) Adventures. Getting lost in the woods, running barefoot on the beach, and spending hours journeying the wonders of IKEA-these are just a few of my Mom's favorite things. Despite her down to earth, practical mindset, she knows how to have fun. She was the one who taught me that, often, the most amazing things in life are unplanned, unstructured, and unexpected. This drives the Type A people in our family-Maggie and Dad-a little crazy. No matter what they say, they end up having fun as well.  
11.) Aestheticism. It is mostly thanks to my Mom that I do not wear the same outfit every day like I did when I was little. She has an eye for what looks tasteful, and thus I do not have long purple hippie hair, wear sweats with dressy tops, or don the same frumpy sweater every day. Basically without my Mom I would most likely dress like a hobo.
12.) Cleanliness. I think kids might have a partial blindness in their eyes that doesn't allow them to see dust bunnies and dirty dishes and the like. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I began to see them too, and I can blame my Mom for this. "At least you're learning how to do laundry and wash dishes now instead of when you're twenty-two like I was," she exclaims. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me how to do these things and preparing me for that scary thing called adulthood.
13.) Life. Fred questions, 

"Have you wept at anything during the past year?...More often than not, do you really listen when people are speaking to you instead of just waiting for your turn to speak? Is there anybody you know in whose place, if one of you had to suffer great pain, you would volunteer yourself? If the answer to all or most of these questions is No, the chances are that you're dead." 

My Mom weeps at movies, prayers, music. Her eyes started watering earlier today when I brought up the fact that I'm turning seventeen.  She has a passionate, caring heart. She fulfills every single one of the criteria that Fred gives for life. Okay, I've gotta move on or I'm going to start crying.
14.) Rest. I have a hunger for constant activity. Shauna Niequist summarizes my mindset exactly in her book Bittersweet: 

"I love it when a day's activities stack up on top of each other perfectly, from breakfast to work to lunch to grocery shopping to coffee, all the way through till I fall into bed. I love days when you're always leaving something early to arrive just a touch late at the next place, like pearls on a string or Tarzan swinging on vines, feet never touching the ground."

All my life I've wanted to go, go, go. Yes, I can work thirty hours a week, cover extra shifts if needed, take college classes, write a book, keep up with friends and do my chores. I love the feeling of arriving late to an event, working a mad, busy shift, and turning in a paper fifteen minutes before it's due. There's an excitement that only comes when your life is a crazy, riveting hot mess. It's my hot mess, and that's how I like it. 
However, my Mom has showed me the value of naps. Taking slow, leisurely days. Spending time with family. These are all beautiful things that I lose in between "Yes, I can work that shift," and "Of course, we can meet for coffee," and "Definitely, I can make time for that." As much as I hate to admit it, there's so much to be gained by saying my least favorite word: "No."
15.) Laughter. My Mom and I both have a tragic quality in which we are the most funny when we're not trying to be. For instance, apparently I am hilarious when I'm angry because I'm not intimidating at all. My pouting face is ridiculous and everyone just laughs at me. My mom has a knack for getting herself into precarious situations, like getting tangled up in a swing while trying to complete a flip (this was just last year in case you were wondering). The truth is that laughter unites people. Mom has taught me to be generous with it, because sometimes when you're in a rough situation all you can do is throw up your hands and laugh. Laugh at the silliness, the craziness, the inevitability of it all.
16.) Trust. I am notoriously bad at keeping secrets. I can't imagine why anyone would want to hide their feelings when feelings are such beautiful, unique things that can help people relate to each other. Mom has told me time and again that, in order for people to trust you, you can't tell everyone everything. Now when somebody tells me something important to them, I make an effort to treasure it for the precious thing it is, rather than squander it by showing it to everybody. 
17.) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" (1 Cor. 13:4-8). Love isn't a feeling, a high or a fleeting emotion. It is a covenant expressing itself in word and action. Thank you, Mom, for loving your family fully. Happy Mothers Day!